The Hallway

My Grandma....my rock always says " When one door closes, another one opens but it is hell in the hallway".

(a door closes) Even when I was a child and asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd say " A MOMMY" . I have always felt it to be my dream, my destiny, and my passion. So when I met the man of my dreams, my soul mate and got married I was shocked, amazed and distrought when I was told my chances of conceiving naturally was 0, and the chance with medical interventions wasn't much better. I was as if someone had popped my bubble, stepped in my birthday cake and destroyed my life. I know that might sound a little much...but that was truly how I felt.

(a door opens) So, my sweet prince and I head on over to the fertility doctor with a small chance that it may help our chances.

(here comes the hallway part) Well.....Fertility doctors are def not for those people who are self conscious, and if you are....you won't be for long. I swear I could probably walk around Central Park naked now after my experience where, before I wouldn't even walk around my house in the same state. Appointments almost every day or every other day. I swear if there was a hole, or they could make a hole...they used it or did it to make me take a different kind of test. Then of course waiting for the results........test at 7am, call with results between 2:30 or 3:00...YIKES!!!!
Medication injections- EVERYDAY! The almighty NUN PEE or Nun urine as we so kindly called it was EXPENSIVE!! Thank goodness for the internet, the fertility meds black market and my darling husband (DH) for finding the sites.
I'm not complaining, I would not change any of it for anything but I am not known to be a patient person and just waiting and anticipating and AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH! When most women were on the medication for 5-6 days...and here I am on double the dose for 20, makes you feel broken. That is exactly how I felt. Broken and darn expensive. I felt as if I was letting myself and my DH down. Every time I walked into the doctors office I felt like there were dollar signs hanging above my head and with every step I took inside the door I heard....the "cha-ching, cha-ching" of a cash register.

We were warned that with IUI (inter Uterine insemination) there was only a 15% chance and even less on the first try..."it never works on the first try" we were told by so many people! NEVER SAY NEVER!!!

IUI day: when the IUI was being done. I looked at my DH and started crying and said " IT WORKED!!! WE JUST MADE A BABY" I do not know how I knew. I just felt a rush, a breeze of warmth and joy in my heart and in my soul. I truly knew from that moment that it was a miracle. They are miracles. God has blessed us, I feel so very honored.